May 212013
May 202013
I have a doula who once shared that she had been supporting a mom in labor for a couple of days who eventually ended up having a cesarean. Another doula- not in my company- asked her, “Don’t you wish she had just gotten the epidural much earlier and they had called for the cesarean hours earlier? When I heard that I was aghast! NO! This mom had a journey she was choosing to play out to the very end until there were no other options. And my guess is she is glad she did. And this doula, the one in my company- was happy to have been there supporting her the whole time.
I had a mom recently tell me the story of having her first baby by cesarean due to the suspected large baby. She had been so disappointed that the baby was found to be of only average size. She said that no one supported her through the consideration of having the baby select her own due date and for the mom to labor. Her husband who was a larger man, her mom, her mother in law and her friends all agree with the doctor. And now she was struggling with finding the right care provider to truly honor her desire for a vaginal birth after a cesarean with her next. And guess what, her friends and family are not supportive of her having a VBAC this time either. I think folks forget it is her journey not theirs!
A mom to be sat in my class recently and shared how she was not going to be fully forthright with information about her birth location with her mom. She felt it would upset her and bring harm in doing so. So instead of being able to share in the joy of their decision to have a home birth, she was going to keep it to herself. It made me sad that her mom’s response would not be one of support. Sure there may need to be some educating for the mom to understand the choice, but in the end I was sad that this young mother did not feel her mom would be able to “hear” it. I am glad this woman does not feel compelled to change her mind to please her mom- but it makes me sad that she has to keep it private as to avoid the conflict.
In that same class was a mom who really wanted to make decisions for her birth that would not make her partner feel good. I don’t mean decisions that would bring harm- I mean personal decision that are right for her. Whether that is for one woman, hiring a doula. Or for another choosing a different birth location. She should be able to decide who to have with her in labor. (I suspect some moms are angry when I am included, and not them for instance.) Or something as simple as what she will wear in labor. These are her decisions to make- it is her birth- the baby is coming out of her body.
I had a mom who made a decision to fight to have a natural- organic birth. She selected midwives who she felt would support her and had lots of conversations with them about what she wanted. She did not want to be induced. She did not want to have augmentation to her labor. She did not want to have any pain medication. She labored prodromally for three days- with little or no sleep. She consented to getting low dose Pitocin when her contractions proved to need assistance in the last hours of her labor. She consented to getting an epidural in a last ditch effort to see if a bit of relaxation to her body and specifically her pelvic floor would make a difference. In the end it did not. She had an ounce short of a 10 pound baby that had been trying to come through her body decline to be able to do so. She has to be proud of her journey. She worked for so hard. She was at the hospital for over 26 hours before the birth. Her two midwives had been so patient- beyond what is the norm at this hospital.
But guess what, her mom was angry. Angry she had a midwife instead of a doctor. Angry that her daughter had somehow bought into this whole “journey” idea. Angry that her daughter had been trusted to labor with this huge baby inside of her. Angry that I had been supporting her daughter in this foolish suffering. Angry that folks had been cavalier with her grandson’s health- he was born by the way perfectly healthy. I sat there while she was indignant with me wondering whose journey this had been. She certainly did not trust the child she had brought into the world to be able to make the right decisions for her.
We may not understand or approve of someone’s choices. But in the end, it is their journey to choose. If they are not being cavalier with harming others- it is time we remember that. Birth is a personal journey. It is not up to the partner, the doctor, her friends or her mother to make these decisions. I support women making personal decisions that are right for them, especially when it comes to their birth choices. It after all is her journey, not theirs.
May 022013
This is probably the most intense and beautiful birth video I have ever watched. It shows sounds being used so beautifully and effectively in labor. I think if you want to be truly moved by the power of birth this is a must watch! The details of this singing teacher giving birth can be found here- http://www.naitreenchantes.com/Naitre_Enchantes/Historique.html and the actual video alone can be viewed by clicking on the link below.
May 012013
A guest post by my friend and life coach, Lisa Engle.
Recently, a public inquiry to describe the optimal mother brought in a wide scope of adjectives. Some words that came from the poll were: supportive, nurturing, nourished, wise, faithful, intuitive, intentional, attentive, energetic, organized, loving, motivated, encouraging, devoted, loyal, connected, balanced, healthy role model, filled with grace and fearless.
No pressure, right?
Evaluating our own definitions of optimal motherhood can bring great insight. I’d love to hear your input and what you might add to the list. Isn’t it beautiful the varying values that each person places on the critical and powerful role of Mother? Isn’t it also beautiful that what I authentically bring to motherhood will serve my children well, but when I try to “do” motherhood by someone else’s standards or expectations, I will be uncomfortable and it will ripple to my children? Culturally, we’re taught that discomfort is a “bad” thing to be avoided yet when it comes to healthy living, we learn that it’s often an important part of telling us what needs attention.
Insight gained through evaluating your own definitions of a “well mother” can help us tie the choices we make regarding our family to values. Much like the cultural experiences back in school, the pressures a mother may find herself faced with can lead to extremely refining moments where she (and those around her) may describe herself with very opposite descriptors, quite unwell, in fact. Often, upon evaluation, we may realize that choices we’ve made were really rooted in someone else’s values. Motherhood is plenty refining enough without trying to make ourselves appear, behave, or have a certain way according to the values of others. When we’re rooted in our own well being, rooted in our own value systems, in our own authentic expressions, we bring a strength to this important and powerful role that is shaping the next generation. Let’s shape them well.
Apr 302013
I went to a blessingway last night. The pregnant mother being honored mentioned that although she has every intention to breastfeed, she thought it odd that she received two large containers of powered infant formula in the mail. I asked if she had registered at BabiesRUs and of course she had. What she did not realize is they sell her name to the formula companies to get free samples!
Today on facebook a fellow doula and friend of mine posted this picture. A gift the mom received at the hospital. These hospitals get free formula for their hospital by giving away free gifts to each mom who has had a baby. The bottle feeding moms get a huge supply while the breastfeeding moms get a smaller sampler.
It is no wonder that in the metro area of Atlanta we still don’t have a Mother- Baby Friendly hospital. Our local hospitals may have IBCLCs on staff- others only have limited access to these trained women, but they also hand out nipple shields, pacifiers and formula with great regularity. There are ten steps to becoming classified as Mother Baby Friendly.
The Ten Steps to Successful Breastfeeding are:
- Have a written breastfeeding policy that is routinely communicated to all health care staff.
- Train all health care staff in the skills necessary to implement this policy.
- Inform all pregnant women about the benefits and management of breastfeeding.
- Help mothers initiate breastfeeding within one hour of birth.
- Show mothers how to breastfeed and how to maintain lactation, even if they are separated from their infants.
- Give infants no food or drink other than breast-milk, unless medically indicated.
- Practice rooming in – allow mothers and infants to remain together 24 hours a day.
- Encourage breastfeeding on demand.
- Give no pacifiers or artificial nipples to breastfeeding infants.
- Foster the establishment of breastfeeding support groups and refer mothers to them on discharge from the hospital or birth center.
How do you think offering pacifiers, throwing nipple shields at moms who have latch issues and handing out free formula fits into this initiative?
Apr 292013
We know that squatting helps to push a baby out. It makes sense to align the baby directly over the outlet it is supposed to come out of instead of laying like a dead roach in the bed. Well western and most eastern medicine has screwed that up for sure. Women are often relegated to laying on their backs due to doctors “needing to be able to see the birth and control the process.” But we now know that moving, dancing, rotating our hips, being upward and listening to our bodies is better for birth. Better for the moms anyway. We have figured out that we can control our birth, rather than be mandated to the position of choice from someone else.
Well guess what? Squatting is also the better way to eliminate. The malady of illnesses related to elimination or the lack thereof has caused many problems not only for pregnant woman but for everyone. This video is so eye opening. Squatty Potty. If we align the process of elimination over the outlet it is supposed to come out of instead of sitting so politely on the western toilet, we may find many of those maladies to be eliminated!
It seems there are a plethora of endorsements for this product. NPR, Mercola, The Doctors, and more. They say that 90% of their customers love the product. But they give a 60 day guarantee to that 10% of folks who want to return it! Do you want to be “choked” or “relaxed” when you poop? Check them out! http://www.squattypotty.com/ They are American made and very economical ranging in price from $29.95 to $59.95.
If this could help pregnant women not suffer from hemorrhoids and constipation in pregnancy, that alone is something to celebrate!
